Saturday, March 5, 2011

What's on my mind

Just happy to be alive. I looked at the calendar the other day and realized my birthday is on a Saturday this year. I immediately called Mike to tell him that I didn't necessarily want a PARTY, but I did want to celebrate just being alive. Mind you my birthday isn't until June, but since I have already proclaimed and believe that I am healed, I expect that I will be around June 2011. Usually we think birthday --- Party! Now, I am thinking birthday -- blessed to be alive.

As for me, I am doing well. I am continuing with physical therapy 3 times per week and taking my chemo. I am on my 3rd cycle; the plan is for me to have a total of 6. I had a treatment last week and I was able to handle it better this time. My greatest challenge has been the nausea that occurs usually two days after the treatment and then praying that my WBC does not decrease. When it does I cannot receive the treatment.

I have so many people that have given me spiritual and health literature on healing the body of cancer. I am reading and reading and taking from it what I think is beneficial. As a nurse, I can't believe everything I read and I first believe that my healing comes from God. I do believe that there are perhaps dietary things that I can change or amend while I am battling this cancer; but for everyone, what is written, other than God's word, is not meant for everyone.

Have you ever wondered how you've made it through the most difficult time in your life? I have a new understanding for when people say "God will wipe your tears away". I have cried so much during this journey that I don't think there are any more tears to cry. I think when all the tears are gone (or running low), God is then able to work on or work through you. He is able to reveal Himself to you. I initially cried the "whoa is me" and "why me" songs; but now I can praise God for the days He has spared me thus far. Am I afraid to leave this life...now? Of course I am; I am not prepared. I want to see my children grow up, marry, have children, etc. I want to share more and more time with my husband; love, laugh, travel, etc. But, "what God has for me it is for me"; when it is time, then it is time. This is reality!

Y'all... I'm not going anywhere and I haven't received any bad news. This is just what's on my mind. I am waking each day, thanking God for each new day, and praying for each of you that are reading the blog and praying and/or thinking of us.

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