Thursday, June 23, 2011


The home going celebration for my wife (Yolanda) will be held this Saturday, June 25, 2011 at Good Hope Missionary Baptist Church.  The address is 3015 N. Macgregor Way, Houston, Texas 77004.  The viewing will began at 9am and will last until 11am.  The Houston Chapter of Jack-n-Jill will hold it's ceremony at 9:30am and Delta Sigma Theta will conduct it's Omega Omega ceremony at 10am. 

The home going celebration will began promptly at 11am. I have established a memorial fund on behalf of my wife.  All of the proceeds will go towards research into how to cure Triple Negative DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) Cancer. Baylor College of Medicine School of Oncology has started its research based on Yolanda's aggressive strand.  The account is with Frost Bank. In lieu of flowers, please go to any Frost Bank location or call Frost bank to contribute a donation in her honor.  The name of the account is Yolanda E. Williams Memorial Fund.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

God Is In Control - No Matter What!!

It's been some time now since I have had the time to stop long enough and compose my thoughts to post for your collective consideration, but today is a special day.  Today is special because I am very much thankful for God's continued favor that he has shown towards my wife.  Today Yolanda's glorious journey truely begains.  Today, 6/17/11 at 1:55pm, God called Yolanda home to be in his presence and to walk among the angels.  Today, Yolanda no longer has to suffer.  Today, I am so happy that Yolanda has been released from the trials and burdens placed upon her body.  To God be all the glory! God is, and has always been, in control. 

Yolanda and I have known since the very beginning that this cancer was not for her but it was a cross placed upon her so that God would receive all of the glory in the end.  Yolanda showed all of us how we can remain strong in our faith, be prayerful and give God all the praise and glory NO MATTER WHAT is going on in our lives.  She held her head up high and was a fighter until the very end.  God knew that Yolanda would be the type of fighter that would life him up NO MATTER WHAT was happening inside of her body.  To God be the glory.  Yolanda I will miss you so very much that I don't have the words to express.  You are now in a much better place free from the aches and pains of your failing body.  I have loved you and will continue to do so until I draw my last breath.  Thank you for your wonderful gifts - Kendra & Jasmine.  We will miss you.  See you one day baby!

To everyone.  I will make a final couple of postings to catch you up on her journey from her last post up to 6/17/11.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Guess Who Is Coming to Dinner?

Just thought I would add pun to the title of this post as I share a couple of experiences over the last 2 weeks.
If you know/remember this classic movie with Sidney Poitier, he was certainly not the guest/ boyfriend the family was expecting their daughter to bring home for dinner. Well this is by no means regarding racial matters. But, have you ever planned or gone to a party, or just gone somewhere with the intention of having a delightful time and either someone shows up or just something happens that COULD totally destroy the event, the occasion, etc? Instances like this is probably where the phrase was coined "Prepare for the best, but expect the worse".
The week I was scheduled for chemo was great!!! My mother in law and I had been everywhere running errands, having lunch, working on projects...all was well as could be. That Thursday I am scheduled to go to chemo and Mike had made plans to take Kendra for her driving test, but I wake up to the worst morning of the week. Guess who came for 'dinner'? The devil himself!!! He came just that day to steal time dedicated to my healing. I woke up and truly could not function, could not eat, throwing up, unbearable pain, chills, unable to walk, etc. Mike, in his effort to care for me, was late and could not get Kendra to her test ontime, I was late to my appointment and was really at the point that I had decided not to go that day... All was falling apart. We prayed, I hummed (that's what I do to center my mind), and hands were laid upon my body (thank you mom in law),...and I got myself up after some relief and I made it to my MD appointment and received ALL of my chemo.
Well, the week after chemo is usually pretty hard and again the devil decided to show up and was determined for me not to go to physical therapy. Again, trying to steal my healing, my blessing. We prayed, I was late some days, had significant pain...but I made it! But Wednesday, the pain was so intolerable that I had to go the ER that evening. The funny thing is that I have been reading and listening to The Word more and I just don't think the devil finds that appealing so he continues to show up for 'dinner' and attempt to destroy me. I got out of the hospital on Thursday and still went to therapy on Friday!!!
Here is what I am learning. As you draw closer to God, especially while in the midst of a trial, it is the best opportunity for the devil to attempt to steal your faith, your strength, your determination and will power; he wants you to give up. I will share, I have been there because the pain has just been where I have said "I can't do this anymore". But when my mind is centered and my spirit man is in control, I thought if I were to give up then not only does the devil win BUT I am basically saying God is a liar. God said He would not put anymore on His children than they can handle. He apparently believes I can handle this situation (eventhough I wonder about myself and where the strength is coming from); and He's right because because I keep coming back.
While my prayer life is getting stronger, I will have "balls of steal" (hope not to offend) when it comes to dealing with the devil. Here is one other tidbit of information that has been a revelation for me. We have been taught to pray and humble ourselves to God, offer praises, etc, etc. Have you ever had the opportunity to speak boldly to the devil. More often now, I am conversing with Satan to let him know that I acknowledge that he is real, but he is not welcomed in my home, my finances, my family and friends, my health; I don't love him, need him, or want him; he is not worthy, nothing assigned to me belongs to him; AND I have GOD who will defeat him and defend me every day of the week. Basically, I tell him not to waste his time with me. While that is like extending a challenge to him, I know that he is not happy with the fact I keep coming back.
I'm not the knock out kid; even the devil will be calling me "The Comeback Kid" and I'm sure he is learning that he is not on our 'dinner' guest list.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

Sorry it's been so long since we've communicated. There hasn't been anything "eventful". I've had some difficult days, but no need to bore you with the details. Know that I am still here; still fighting, still praying and hoping, still thankful for each and every day. If I could say nothing more, I would share that this process has been full of revelations about life.

Allow me to extend a Happy Mother's Day to all. Whether you are a mother by birth, adoption, or otherwise, know that we truly make a difference in the lives of the children we love and serve; and we do serve. I had time to reflect and be so grateful that I am here today. I looked at my girls today and they were just beautiful, and while I am not finished, I can say that my mothering is paying off. When I was having a "bad" day one day, I was asked "Have I done everything I wanted to do?" At the time, I could not answer, because I've never taken time to really think about it. I think about my response to that question today and my answer woudl be "No." I want/need to see my girls grow up and mature and become what they want to become professionally. If they marry, I want to meet this guy. He's gonna wanna meet me, because no one is gonna make it past Mike without my help (smile). I'm supposed to take my grandchildren to Disney. No, I haven't done everything.

I remember watching this movie with Jack Nicholas and Morgan Freeman in which they created a bucket list. I tried that! But because I don't see myself transitioning, my list was soooo long, God would have to grant me a lifetime to complete it!!!

Honestly, having to think about transitioning, my children and my husband's life without me has now become a reality because of how difficult my journey has been, Don't get it wrong.... I am still hopeful and prayerful, but I do have to be realisitic and not in denial. I believe God for a healing; I know that he can and I pray that He will. But, I am a nurse and perhaps know too much. As a Chrisitian, we know that we will transition, we just don't know when; our days are numbered, we just don't know the number.

This journey has been most difficult for me as it relates to my faith walk and my strength. It is one thing to profess your faith and get your praise on daily; but go through something that you can do nothing more than rely on the Lord. It all takes a different perspective. It makes your faith more tangible and your strength more of a test of measure.

May God bless you all

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Devil is real but he is not for me

As Mike shared with you in the last post that I went into the hospital for severe pain and what inevitably was also dehydration as a result of severe nausea. All of this was because of the new chemo drugs and the enlargement of my liver. I was in for 2 nights and the matters for which I was admitted were basically resolved. When I tell you the Devil is real and I have been under attack, well I have. While I was in the hospital I asked for a heating pad because of the tension that was in my back and I could not get a muscle relaxant. Well, to make a long story short, I was provided a heat compress. We left the compress on for some period of time and when it was taken off...there was a burn on my back! I was not appauled initially, because I couldn't see or feel it. I thought there were just some blisters. After the doctor saw it, he was terribly upset, and I was referred to a plastic surgeon. The plastic surgeon said I had a second degree burn. What!!! Mike took a picture for me so I could see what all the commotion was about, because I honestly did not think it could have been that serious. My Lord, what a site! We've been doing dressing changes and after going to see the plastic surgeon on Wednesday, he is recommending surgery because there is an area of the burn that is not healing as it should and it is potentially a full-thickness burn. By the way, the burn is about the size of the palm of your hand. Adding insult to injury, the burn is over the incision from my back surgery. We will know better next week definitively if and when I will have surgery. Why am I talking about the devil? I want you to know that God does not and would not cause all of this to happen to me, His child, but is allowing it to happen for the benefit of me and you. Know that the devil is busy and is trying to deter me from my God. I read a book entitled the Believer's Authority and when I tell you as Christians we have to learn to get in the devil's face and put him in his place, WE HAVE TO DO IT! I know he is mad at me because I did just that. I went into my closet one Sunday and cried, screamed and shouted AT THE DEVIL to let him know where his place is in my life... NO WHERE. I'm thinking he said he would try me on the outside, knowing my vanity, and see if that would turn me away from my GOD. LOL!!!! Ain't gonna happen. I began again reading about Job in even more detail. Even though I have not lost all of what he lost, I feel like my journey is so similar. It's taking so long. I don't know why this is happening at the severity at which it is happening. The miraculous blessing that I am receiving out of all of this, as I learn patience, are the people that are praying for and with us, the sharing of so many people, and how many people are sharing how this "journey" and its various aspects are changing their lives. No matter what happens, the devil will not be ruler in my life nor in my home, not of my finances nor of health, NOTHING! We must battle witht he tools God has armed us with but also face the devil with AUTHORITY. Loving and praying for you all!!!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

New Chemo Treatment Plan

It is with a heavy heart that I write update.  We went to Disneyland for spring break last week and had a wonderful family vacation.  The trip started out with the plane having some type of electrical fire right after takeoff.   The pilot turned us around and after the fire trucks circled the plane on the tarmac and the fireman coming on board for a physical inspection, we returned to the gate to deplane and wait on a replacement jet.  After a two hour wait we finally boarded our new jet and took off for Anaheim, CA.  Once we landed we learned that Continental broke Yolanda’s wheelchair.  After waiting at the airport for two hours dealing with the airlines customer service department, we finally headed to our hotel room (what a start to our vacation).   
Yolanda was a real trooper!  She was in such pain but fought through it each day.   The really enjoyed themselves and that was the whole point.  In Yolanda’s last post she informed you all that we received some distressing news from her Neurosurgeon regarding a possible surgery in the future depending upon if she starts to feel some weakness.  In addition to that news, on this past Wednesday we went in for her chemo treatment only to learn that based on her current ailments and complaints Dr. Osbourne decided to run a CT scan instead of the chemo treatment.  THANK GOD he did because the test would show us that her (already aggressive) cancer had spread to her liver and lungs.  The current chemo drugs were not working.  Dr. Osbourne told us that he would like to start Yolanda on a new set of chemo drugs immediately.  These drugs are much stronger and starting tomorrow (Thursday, March 24th) Yolanda will receive her chemo shots once every three weeks.  We had been moving forward under the impression that Yolanda was progressing and the chemotherapy drugs were working and arresting the cancer cells throughout her body.  Now we learned that not only were the drugs ineffective, but her cancer (which was classified as VERY aggressive at the outset) had six plus weeks to continue to spread throughout her body.  IT DID JUST THAT!! 
Today is Sunday, March 27, 2011 and yesterday I had to rush Yolanda to the ER.  She was in so much pain that she was unable to find relief at home.  The doctors ended up admitting her later that evening.  Yolanda’s liver is so swollen that it was pressing against her stomach and causing shortness of breath.  Dr. Osbourne visited us this morning and is recommending Yolanda start back taking her pain meds on a regular and consistent basis plus go back up on her pain patch.  Yolanda had started to drive (although only down the street) and was regaining her independence.  Now we are heading backwards! 
You all know just how long we have been on this journey, but it is very clear now that we face a new and even greater hurdle.  The new set of chemo drugs HAVE TO WORK!!  Yolanda is fighting but needs all of your collective prayers to pull through this crisis. 
GOD I pray that your will be done and that your will is for Yolanda to live and make it past this crisis.  You are all knowing and are the ONLY one with the power to heal her body.  GOD you are a mircale worker and she is in need of a mircale.  You have the power to arrest this cancer and I pray father that you will do just that.  LORD, I humbly ask that you have mercy on my wife and her body.  Please GOD deliver her from this pain and clear her body of these destructive tumors….AMEN!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The most difficult walk of my life

This week has been a roller coaster as I still keep my faith and try to endure this journey.

I've seen 3 people this week that I was really glad to see because I had not seen them in a while; one was at the Carnival on Sunday and 2 came to visit with me today. I used to work with them and their smiles, hugs, and words of encouragement were much needed. Yes... I ventured out and went to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Carnival on Sunday. I walked some and rolled in a wheelchair the rest. It was a nice family outing.

On Wednesday, I went to Chemo and unfortunately my WBC and H&H were low. Chemo can do that and this is the second time for me. Well this time it was too low to receive chemo. I again recieved a $3500 painful Neulasta shot. That shot costs so much and hurts so bad it ought to cure the darn cancer. Luckily, I had one of my sisters in Christ transporting me who was able to give me some encouraging words. She told me the devil is a liar... and much more to encourage me and slightly prevented the tears. I again felt defeated though. The doctor wants me to go 3 weeks in a row and I haven't been able to do it because of my WBC. Now, I will go for chemo 2 weeks in a row and be off one week. I think all this does is prolong how long I will be receiving treatments.

Today, I went to the Neurosurgeon. He was very positive but I can read between the lines. What I haven't shared is that I've started back sleeping in the chair because of this vice like feeling that has been tightening around my back and chest. It is so uncomfortable and sometimes painful that I wasn't resting well. Dr. Kim said that basically the rod that was placed is opposing the natural curvature of the spine. If I should get weak, loose sensation or have increased pain, as before the initial surgery, that I should contact him immediately. For what you might ask... To perform another surgery opposite the rod to stabilize the spine, but he would have to go through my chest. I held it together in front of him, but I lost it with my dear Michael when the MD left the room.

All afternoon, except for when my friends visited, I have cried, cried, cried. Just when I thought I was turning the corner; going to church, shopping (just a little), and getting about, I get this blow. Again, I felt defeated, worn, exhausted, a loose- loose situation. I went to Dr.Kim for him to give me permission to drive, not this. I have never thought this cancer was all about me but now I just don't know. I love my friends, family, coworkers, but what really makes me fight and determined to stay on this side of the dirt is my wonderful, handsome, awesome, fun husband and my wacky, challenging, funny, full of life children and my mother who (I think) needs me. I will be honest in saying that I am terrified of having to endure another surgery of any kind. They can pump my veins with more meds and do procedures, but God please no more surgeries.

Walked and talked with God today. I figured if Job could express his dissappointment with God's trial for him and question the purpose, I could too...and I did. Then I turned on a gospel station and just began to read a book someone gave me entitled "A Believer's Authority". Although I've only read 3 chapters, the message helped dry my tears and redirected me to the word of God; acknowledging where my strength comes from and facing the devil's deceitful ways head on.

We are all going away for Spring Break and hopefully that will give my mind and body a break. I still need you all to pray for me. It is written that the prayers of the righteous (the believer's) availeth much. Whatever is for me, I suppose it is for me, according to God's purpose for my life. Honestly, however, I am tired of the pain; don't mind rehab, treatments, etc. Just tired of the pain, setbacks, additional challenges, and sadly enough sometimes I just feel like my God doesn't hear me. But just like I said at the beginning of this journey, if someone had asked me if I could handle this disease, I would have responded that God would not have placed more on me than I could handle. Here I am and here I stand determined to fight this battle with God on my side. I will do everything I reasonably can until He says it's time to through in the towel.

I love you all and PLEASE continue to pray for a physical healing and spiritual strength. This journey has shown and taught me love I never knew existed. It has also taught me the power of prayer. Wrap your arms around yourself...that's me giving you a warm hug. I love you!