Sorry it's been so long since we've communicated. There hasn't been anything "eventful". I've had some difficult days, but no need to bore you with the details. Know that I am still here; still fighting, still praying and hoping, still thankful for each and every day. If I could say nothing more, I would share that this process has been full of revelations about life.
Allow me to extend a Happy Mother's Day to all. Whether you are a mother by birth, adoption, or otherwise, know that we truly make a difference in the lives of the children we love and serve; and we do serve. I had time to reflect and be so grateful that I am here today. I looked at my girls today and they were just beautiful, and while I am not finished, I can say that my mothering is paying off. When I was having a "bad" day one day, I was asked "Have I done everything I wanted to do?" At the time, I could not answer, because I've never taken time to really think about it. I think about my response to that question today and my answer woudl be "No." I want/need to see my girls grow up and mature and become what they want to become professionally. If they marry, I want to meet this guy. He's gonna wanna meet me, because no one is gonna make it past Mike without my help (smile). I'm supposed to take my grandchildren to Disney. No, I haven't done everything.
I remember watching this movie with Jack Nicholas and Morgan Freeman in which they created a bucket list. I tried that! But because I don't see myself transitioning, my list was soooo long, God would have to grant me a lifetime to complete it!!!
Honestly, having to think about transitioning, my children and my husband's life without me has now become a reality because of how difficult my journey has been, Don't get it wrong.... I am still hopeful and prayerful, but I do have to be realisitic and not in denial. I believe God for a healing; I know that he can and I pray that He will. But, I am a nurse and perhaps know too much. As a Chrisitian, we know that we will transition, we just don't know when; our days are numbered, we just don't know the number.
This journey has been most difficult for me as it relates to my faith walk and my strength. It is one thing to profess your faith and get your praise on daily; but go through something that you can do nothing more than rely on the Lord. It all takes a different perspective. It makes your faith more tangible and your strength more of a test of measure.
May God bless you all