Friday, April 8, 2011
The Devil is real but he is not for me
As Mike shared with you in the last post that I went into the hospital for severe pain and what inevitably was also dehydration as a result of severe nausea. All of this was because of the new chemo drugs and the enlargement of my liver. I was in for 2 nights and the matters for which I was admitted were basically resolved. When I tell you the Devil is real and I have been under attack, well I have. While I was in the hospital I asked for a heating pad because of the tension that was in my back and I could not get a muscle relaxant. Well, to make a long story short, I was provided a heat compress. We left the compress on for some period of time and when it was taken off...there was a burn on my back! I was not appauled initially, because I couldn't see or feel it. I thought there were just some blisters. After the doctor saw it, he was terribly upset, and I was referred to a plastic surgeon. The plastic surgeon said I had a second degree burn. What!!! Mike took a picture for me so I could see what all the commotion was about, because I honestly did not think it could have been that serious. My Lord, what a site! We've been doing dressing changes and after going to see the plastic surgeon on Wednesday, he is recommending surgery because there is an area of the burn that is not healing as it should and it is potentially a full-thickness burn. By the way, the burn is about the size of the palm of your hand. Adding insult to injury, the burn is over the incision from my back surgery. We will know better next week definitively if and when I will have surgery. Why am I talking about the devil? I want you to know that God does not and would not cause all of this to happen to me, His child, but is allowing it to happen for the benefit of me and you. Know that the devil is busy and is trying to deter me from my God. I read a book entitled the Believer's Authority and when I tell you as Christians we have to learn to get in the devil's face and put him in his place, WE HAVE TO DO IT! I know he is mad at me because I did just that. I went into my closet one Sunday and cried, screamed and shouted AT THE DEVIL to let him know where his place is in my life... NO WHERE. I'm thinking he said he would try me on the outside, knowing my vanity, and see if that would turn me away from my GOD. LOL!!!! Ain't gonna happen. I began again reading about Job in even more detail. Even though I have not lost all of what he lost, I feel like my journey is so similar. It's taking so long. I don't know why this is happening at the severity at which it is happening. The miraculous blessing that I am receiving out of all of this, as I learn patience, are the people that are praying for and with us, the sharing of so many people, and how many people are sharing how this "journey" and its various aspects are changing their lives. No matter what happens, the devil will not be ruler in my life nor in my home, not of my finances nor of health, NOTHING! We must battle witht he tools God has armed us with but also face the devil with AUTHORITY. Loving and praying for you all!!!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
New Chemo Treatment Plan
It is with a heavy heart that I write update. We went to Disneyland for spring break last week and had a wonderful family vacation. The trip started out with the plane having some type of electrical fire right after takeoff. The pilot turned us around and after the fire trucks circled the plane on the tarmac and the fireman coming on board for a physical inspection, we returned to the gate to deplane and wait on a replacement jet. After a two hour wait we finally boarded our new jet and took off for Anaheim, CA. Once we landed we learned that Continental broke Yolanda’s wheelchair. After waiting at the airport for two hours dealing with the airlines customer service department, we finally headed to our hotel room (what a start to our vacation).
Yolanda was a real trooper! She was in such pain but fought through it each day. The really enjoyed themselves and that was the whole point. In Yolanda’s last post she informed you all that we received some distressing news from her Neurosurgeon regarding a possible surgery in the future depending upon if she starts to feel some weakness. In addition to that news, on this past Wednesday we went in for her chemo treatment only to learn that based on her current ailments and complaints Dr. Osbourne decided to run a CT scan instead of the chemo treatment. THANK GOD he did because the test would show us that her (already aggressive) cancer had spread to her liver and lungs. The current chemo drugs were not working. Dr. Osbourne told us that he would like to start Yolanda on a new set of chemo drugs immediately. These drugs are much stronger and starting tomorrow (Thursday, March 24th) Yolanda will receive her chemo shots once every three weeks. We had been moving forward under the impression that Yolanda was progressing and the chemotherapy drugs were working and arresting the cancer cells throughout her body. Now we learned that not only were the drugs ineffective, but her cancer (which was classified as VERY aggressive at the outset) had six plus weeks to continue to spread throughout her body. IT DID JUST THAT!!
Today is Sunday, March 27, 2011 and yesterday I had to rush Yolanda to the ER. She was in so much pain that she was unable to find relief at home. The doctors ended up admitting her later that evening. Yolanda’s liver is so swollen that it was pressing against her stomach and causing shortness of breath. Dr. Osbourne visited us this morning and is recommending Yolanda start back taking her pain meds on a regular and consistent basis plus go back up on her pain patch. Yolanda had started to drive (although only down the street) and was regaining her independence. Now we are heading backwards!
You all know just how long we have been on this journey, but it is very clear now that we face a new and even greater hurdle. The new set of chemo drugs HAVE TO WORK!! Yolanda is fighting but needs all of your collective prayers to pull through this crisis.
GOD I pray that your will be done and that your will is for Yolanda to live and make it past this crisis. You are all knowing and are the ONLY one with the power to heal her body. GOD you are a mircale worker and she is in need of a mircale. You have the power to arrest this cancer and I pray father that you will do just that. LORD, I humbly ask that you have mercy on my wife and her body. Please GOD deliver her from this pain and clear her body of these destructive tumors….AMEN!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The most difficult walk of my life
This week has been a roller coaster as I still keep my faith and try to endure this journey.
I've seen 3 people this week that I was really glad to see because I had not seen them in a while; one was at the Carnival on Sunday and 2 came to visit with me today. I used to work with them and their smiles, hugs, and words of encouragement were much needed. Yes... I ventured out and went to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Carnival on Sunday. I walked some and rolled in a wheelchair the rest. It was a nice family outing.
On Wednesday, I went to Chemo and unfortunately my WBC and H&H were low. Chemo can do that and this is the second time for me. Well this time it was too low to receive chemo. I again recieved a $3500 painful Neulasta shot. That shot costs so much and hurts so bad it ought to cure the darn cancer. Luckily, I had one of my sisters in Christ transporting me who was able to give me some encouraging words. She told me the devil is a liar... and much more to encourage me and slightly prevented the tears. I again felt defeated though. The doctor wants me to go 3 weeks in a row and I haven't been able to do it because of my WBC. Now, I will go for chemo 2 weeks in a row and be off one week. I think all this does is prolong how long I will be receiving treatments.
Today, I went to the Neurosurgeon. He was very positive but I can read between the lines. What I haven't shared is that I've started back sleeping in the chair because of this vice like feeling that has been tightening around my back and chest. It is so uncomfortable and sometimes painful that I wasn't resting well. Dr. Kim said that basically the rod that was placed is opposing the natural curvature of the spine. If I should get weak, loose sensation or have increased pain, as before the initial surgery, that I should contact him immediately. For what you might ask... To perform another surgery opposite the rod to stabilize the spine, but he would have to go through my chest. I held it together in front of him, but I lost it with my dear Michael when the MD left the room.
All afternoon, except for when my friends visited, I have cried, cried, cried. Just when I thought I was turning the corner; going to church, shopping (just a little), and getting about, I get this blow. Again, I felt defeated, worn, exhausted, a loose- loose situation. I went to Dr.Kim for him to give me permission to drive, not this. I have never thought this cancer was all about me but now I just don't know. I love my friends, family, coworkers, but what really makes me fight and determined to stay on this side of the dirt is my wonderful, handsome, awesome, fun husband and my wacky, challenging, funny, full of life children and my mother who (I think) needs me. I will be honest in saying that I am terrified of having to endure another surgery of any kind. They can pump my veins with more meds and do procedures, but God please no more surgeries.
Walked and talked with God today. I figured if Job could express his dissappointment with God's trial for him and question the purpose, I could too...and I did. Then I turned on a gospel station and just began to read a book someone gave me entitled "A Believer's Authority". Although I've only read 3 chapters, the message helped dry my tears and redirected me to the word of God; acknowledging where my strength comes from and facing the devil's deceitful ways head on.
We are all going away for Spring Break and hopefully that will give my mind and body a break. I still need you all to pray for me. It is written that the prayers of the righteous (the believer's) availeth much. Whatever is for me, I suppose it is for me, according to God's purpose for my life. Honestly, however, I am tired of the pain; don't mind rehab, treatments, etc. Just tired of the pain, setbacks, additional challenges, and sadly enough sometimes I just feel like my God doesn't hear me. But just like I said at the beginning of this journey, if someone had asked me if I could handle this disease, I would have responded that God would not have placed more on me than I could handle. Here I am and here I stand determined to fight this battle with God on my side. I will do everything I reasonably can until He says it's time to through in the towel.
I love you all and PLEASE continue to pray for a physical healing and spiritual strength. This journey has shown and taught me love I never knew existed. It has also taught me the power of prayer. Wrap your arms around yourself...that's me giving you a warm hug. I love you!
I've seen 3 people this week that I was really glad to see because I had not seen them in a while; one was at the Carnival on Sunday and 2 came to visit with me today. I used to work with them and their smiles, hugs, and words of encouragement were much needed. Yes... I ventured out and went to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo Carnival on Sunday. I walked some and rolled in a wheelchair the rest. It was a nice family outing.
On Wednesday, I went to Chemo and unfortunately my WBC and H&H were low. Chemo can do that and this is the second time for me. Well this time it was too low to receive chemo. I again recieved a $3500 painful Neulasta shot. That shot costs so much and hurts so bad it ought to cure the darn cancer. Luckily, I had one of my sisters in Christ transporting me who was able to give me some encouraging words. She told me the devil is a liar... and much more to encourage me and slightly prevented the tears. I again felt defeated though. The doctor wants me to go 3 weeks in a row and I haven't been able to do it because of my WBC. Now, I will go for chemo 2 weeks in a row and be off one week. I think all this does is prolong how long I will be receiving treatments.
Today, I went to the Neurosurgeon. He was very positive but I can read between the lines. What I haven't shared is that I've started back sleeping in the chair because of this vice like feeling that has been tightening around my back and chest. It is so uncomfortable and sometimes painful that I wasn't resting well. Dr. Kim said that basically the rod that was placed is opposing the natural curvature of the spine. If I should get weak, loose sensation or have increased pain, as before the initial surgery, that I should contact him immediately. For what you might ask... To perform another surgery opposite the rod to stabilize the spine, but he would have to go through my chest. I held it together in front of him, but I lost it with my dear Michael when the MD left the room.
All afternoon, except for when my friends visited, I have cried, cried, cried. Just when I thought I was turning the corner; going to church, shopping (just a little), and getting about, I get this blow. Again, I felt defeated, worn, exhausted, a loose- loose situation. I went to Dr.Kim for him to give me permission to drive, not this. I have never thought this cancer was all about me but now I just don't know. I love my friends, family, coworkers, but what really makes me fight and determined to stay on this side of the dirt is my wonderful, handsome, awesome, fun husband and my wacky, challenging, funny, full of life children and my mother who (I think) needs me. I will be honest in saying that I am terrified of having to endure another surgery of any kind. They can pump my veins with more meds and do procedures, but God please no more surgeries.
Walked and talked with God today. I figured if Job could express his dissappointment with God's trial for him and question the purpose, I could too...and I did. Then I turned on a gospel station and just began to read a book someone gave me entitled "A Believer's Authority". Although I've only read 3 chapters, the message helped dry my tears and redirected me to the word of God; acknowledging where my strength comes from and facing the devil's deceitful ways head on.
We are all going away for Spring Break and hopefully that will give my mind and body a break. I still need you all to pray for me. It is written that the prayers of the righteous (the believer's) availeth much. Whatever is for me, I suppose it is for me, according to God's purpose for my life. Honestly, however, I am tired of the pain; don't mind rehab, treatments, etc. Just tired of the pain, setbacks, additional challenges, and sadly enough sometimes I just feel like my God doesn't hear me. But just like I said at the beginning of this journey, if someone had asked me if I could handle this disease, I would have responded that God would not have placed more on me than I could handle. Here I am and here I stand determined to fight this battle with God on my side. I will do everything I reasonably can until He says it's time to through in the towel.
I love you all and PLEASE continue to pray for a physical healing and spiritual strength. This journey has shown and taught me love I never knew existed. It has also taught me the power of prayer. Wrap your arms around yourself...that's me giving you a warm hug. I love you!
Saturday, March 5, 2011
What's on my mind
Just happy to be alive. I looked at the calendar the other day and realized my birthday is on a Saturday this year. I immediately called Mike to tell him that I didn't necessarily want a PARTY, but I did want to celebrate just being alive. Mind you my birthday isn't until June, but since I have already proclaimed and believe that I am healed, I expect that I will be around June 2011. Usually we think birthday --- Party! Now, I am thinking birthday -- blessed to be alive.
As for me, I am doing well. I am continuing with physical therapy 3 times per week and taking my chemo. I am on my 3rd cycle; the plan is for me to have a total of 6. I had a treatment last week and I was able to handle it better this time. My greatest challenge has been the nausea that occurs usually two days after the treatment and then praying that my WBC does not decrease. When it does I cannot receive the treatment.
I have so many people that have given me spiritual and health literature on healing the body of cancer. I am reading and reading and taking from it what I think is beneficial. As a nurse, I can't believe everything I read and I first believe that my healing comes from God. I do believe that there are perhaps dietary things that I can change or amend while I am battling this cancer; but for everyone, what is written, other than God's word, is not meant for everyone.
Have you ever wondered how you've made it through the most difficult time in your life? I have a new understanding for when people say "God will wipe your tears away". I have cried so much during this journey that I don't think there are any more tears to cry. I think when all the tears are gone (or running low), God is then able to work on or work through you. He is able to reveal Himself to you. I initially cried the "whoa is me" and "why me" songs; but now I can praise God for the days He has spared me thus far. Am I afraid to leave this life...now? Of course I am; I am not prepared. I want to see my children grow up, marry, have children, etc. I want to share more and more time with my husband; love, laugh, travel, etc. But, "what God has for me it is for me"; when it is time, then it is time. This is reality!
Y'all... I'm not going anywhere and I haven't received any bad news. This is just what's on my mind. I am waking each day, thanking God for each new day, and praying for each of you that are reading the blog and praying and/or thinking of us.
As for me, I am doing well. I am continuing with physical therapy 3 times per week and taking my chemo. I am on my 3rd cycle; the plan is for me to have a total of 6. I had a treatment last week and I was able to handle it better this time. My greatest challenge has been the nausea that occurs usually two days after the treatment and then praying that my WBC does not decrease. When it does I cannot receive the treatment.
I have so many people that have given me spiritual and health literature on healing the body of cancer. I am reading and reading and taking from it what I think is beneficial. As a nurse, I can't believe everything I read and I first believe that my healing comes from God. I do believe that there are perhaps dietary things that I can change or amend while I am battling this cancer; but for everyone, what is written, other than God's word, is not meant for everyone.
Have you ever wondered how you've made it through the most difficult time in your life? I have a new understanding for when people say "God will wipe your tears away". I have cried so much during this journey that I don't think there are any more tears to cry. I think when all the tears are gone (or running low), God is then able to work on or work through you. He is able to reveal Himself to you. I initially cried the "whoa is me" and "why me" songs; but now I can praise God for the days He has spared me thus far. Am I afraid to leave this life...now? Of course I am; I am not prepared. I want to see my children grow up, marry, have children, etc. I want to share more and more time with my husband; love, laugh, travel, etc. But, "what God has for me it is for me"; when it is time, then it is time. This is reality!
Y'all... I'm not going anywhere and I haven't received any bad news. This is just what's on my mind. I am waking each day, thanking God for each new day, and praying for each of you that are reading the blog and praying and/or thinking of us.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Counting My Blessings
I can't count them all, but I will continue to be thankful to be a part of a praying community. Thankful to God for such a wonderful husband (His posting just made me gloat inside).
I wanted to keep you posted on how I am doing; the latest in my (our) life. I had an MRI done on my cervical and thoracic spine. It was the first radiological test since the surgery on 12/1. The prayers of the righteous do avail much. While there were some changes since the MRI prior to surgery and radiation, there was nothing for us to be concerned or alarmed about. It obviously showed the rod which is stabilizing my back, but also a hematoma or fluid sac which will absorb itself and 2 spinal compression fractures. No worries!!! The compression fractures are on the same 2 vertebrae that Dr. Kim operated on to remove the cancer and are both in the area supported by the rod. The MRI also did not show any extension/spread of the cancer along the spinal column.
Unfortunately, I was not able to receive my chemo this week because my White Blood Cell (WBC) was too low. One of the potential side effects of chemo is lowering the WBC, so mine had been going down, but this time it was just too low. Get this!!! I had to receive a shot that would increase my WBC over the next two weeks. Uhhhh.... Why did the medication cost $3500? And no I didn't type too many zeros. I was thinking with this drug I should be healed of everything. Thank God for insurance.
Lastly, on Thursday, I had my second encounter with a medical massage therapists to loosen up the scar tissue and help improve mobility in my upper body. By that night, I felt like I had been in a fight. Friday morning I had physical therapy. She worked me over. Instead of an hour, it was an hour and a half. We did all new exercises as we are now beginning to work on strengthening exercises. She's stepping up her game....ugh! But I do it with a smile because I know what the goal is. Like Rocky I just have to focus on the prize. And so, Friday night, the pain was so unbearable I could hardly turn myself or sit up. I'm taking the Vicodin!
You may wonder what do I have to be thankful for given this week besides being alive...
Obviously the results of the MRI are a blessing. Understand that the cancer could have spread and affected areas past the rod, anything. However, for now it hasn't and so I am blessed. The fact that I was unable to receive my chemo was a little disheartening but hopefully I will feel a bit better than usual. I now have 2 weeks off from chemo and right now I am planning my daughter's Sweet 16 birthday party. Prayerfully I will be able to participate without having to worry about myself. Lastly, all pain is not bad pain. My therapist is able to push me more over the next two weeks, hopefully.
Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers but for also listening for anyone who but mentions my name in their prayer time. Thank you for the surgery and the radiation and now the chemo, which are attacking the enemy in my body. You have given me the strength to fight and when I am weak, you have given me the strength of a praying community who's got my back. The enemy won't have an opportunity to weaken me to the point that I should fail. While this battle and this journey may be long, hard, and difficult, I (we) have already won. And we believe it all in faith and as evidenced in how you are working and manifesting in this temple. Thank you Lord for your people and bless them in every aspect of their life that they each may be covered by your grace, mercy and tenderness.
I love you all
Yolanda
I wanted to keep you posted on how I am doing; the latest in my (our) life. I had an MRI done on my cervical and thoracic spine. It was the first radiological test since the surgery on 12/1. The prayers of the righteous do avail much. While there were some changes since the MRI prior to surgery and radiation, there was nothing for us to be concerned or alarmed about. It obviously showed the rod which is stabilizing my back, but also a hematoma or fluid sac which will absorb itself and 2 spinal compression fractures. No worries!!! The compression fractures are on the same 2 vertebrae that Dr. Kim operated on to remove the cancer and are both in the area supported by the rod. The MRI also did not show any extension/spread of the cancer along the spinal column.
Unfortunately, I was not able to receive my chemo this week because my White Blood Cell (WBC) was too low. One of the potential side effects of chemo is lowering the WBC, so mine had been going down, but this time it was just too low. Get this!!! I had to receive a shot that would increase my WBC over the next two weeks. Uhhhh.... Why did the medication cost $3500? And no I didn't type too many zeros. I was thinking with this drug I should be healed of everything. Thank God for insurance.
Lastly, on Thursday, I had my second encounter with a medical massage therapists to loosen up the scar tissue and help improve mobility in my upper body. By that night, I felt like I had been in a fight. Friday morning I had physical therapy. She worked me over. Instead of an hour, it was an hour and a half. We did all new exercises as we are now beginning to work on strengthening exercises. She's stepping up her game....ugh! But I do it with a smile because I know what the goal is. Like Rocky I just have to focus on the prize. And so, Friday night, the pain was so unbearable I could hardly turn myself or sit up. I'm taking the Vicodin!
You may wonder what do I have to be thankful for given this week besides being alive...
Obviously the results of the MRI are a blessing. Understand that the cancer could have spread and affected areas past the rod, anything. However, for now it hasn't and so I am blessed. The fact that I was unable to receive my chemo was a little disheartening but hopefully I will feel a bit better than usual. I now have 2 weeks off from chemo and right now I am planning my daughter's Sweet 16 birthday party. Prayerfully I will be able to participate without having to worry about myself. Lastly, all pain is not bad pain. My therapist is able to push me more over the next two weeks, hopefully.
Thank you Lord for hearing my prayers but for also listening for anyone who but mentions my name in their prayer time. Thank you for the surgery and the radiation and now the chemo, which are attacking the enemy in my body. You have given me the strength to fight and when I am weak, you have given me the strength of a praying community who's got my back. The enemy won't have an opportunity to weaken me to the point that I should fail. While this battle and this journey may be long, hard, and difficult, I (we) have already won. And we believe it all in faith and as evidenced in how you are working and manifesting in this temple. Thank you Lord for your people and bless them in every aspect of their life that they each may be covered by your grace, mercy and tenderness.
I love you all
Yolanda
Friday, February 4, 2011
Challenges & Surprises
It's been awhile since I have had a chance to sit down and compose my thoughts into some type of coherent and presentable message that I can share with you all. This is absolutely a marathon! First let me share some thanks to all of you wonder individuals. No matter if you are family, friend, associate or someone who we have never formally met before, I am eternally grateful to each one of you for your many thoughts, prayers and well wishes. Yolanda and I continue to find inspiration from all of your comments. Your prayers are definitely being heard because Yolanda is a walking miracle!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
Second, I will share with you that I have been going none stop caring for Yolanda, her mom and our girls since July 2010. It’s been one giant physical drain, but I am thankful for the opportunity to care my wife and family. The one saving grace has been having my mother here. She has been living with us on and off for the past several months. She is splitting time between Houston and Dallas (my home town). She is here for four weeks then she returns to Dallas for one week to take care of her personal matters. I have been running so hard that I totally let myself go and was not taking care of myself (I didn’t even realize it). As a result of running so hard, I caught the FLU for the first time in my life two weeks ago. It caught me off guard and I was down for five whole days. Luckily my mother was here to help my family. My doctor told me that I have “care-taker fatigue” and unless I start eating better and working out, I was going to have some critical life altering medical issues. After I picked up my lower lip and scraped myself off the floor, I made a commitment to myself to carve out time to take care of me.
Second, I will share with you that I have been going none stop caring for Yolanda, her mom and our girls since July 2010. It’s been one giant physical drain, but I am thankful for the opportunity to care my wife and family. The one saving grace has been having my mother here. She has been living with us on and off for the past several months. She is splitting time between Houston and Dallas (my home town). She is here for four weeks then she returns to Dallas for one week to take care of her personal matters. I have been running so hard that I totally let myself go and was not taking care of myself (I didn’t even realize it). As a result of running so hard, I caught the FLU for the first time in my life two weeks ago. It caught me off guard and I was down for five whole days. Luckily my mother was here to help my family. My doctor told me that I have “care-taker fatigue” and unless I start eating better and working out, I was going to have some critical life altering medical issues. After I picked up my lower lip and scraped myself off the floor, I made a commitment to myself to carve out time to take care of me.
Third, it has been truly amazing to watch Yolanda endure everything she is going through. I said it before and I will say it again…she is my hero! She is a real trooper and is consistently pushing herself to fight through the pain. It is so easy to care for her. I consistently try to make her day as manageable as possible. Honestly, I don’t think I am making a difference sometimes because she is in so much pain, but I will never stop trying! In terms of Chemo, Yolanda is in her 2nd round of treatments. She has her all day injections on Wednesdays. Thursday’s are generally AWESOME days as she feels great all day; however, Fridays and Saturdays are typically the complete opposite. Sunday’s are typically a little better.
Finally, on last Thursday Yolanda had an MRI. The purpose of the MRI is the see if the Cancer continues to spread in here spine. Dr. Lee ordered the MRI and she will be back to his office, once the report is ready, to discuss the findings. Please pray that her Cancer has stopped spreading! She has come so far in terms of regaining strength in her lower body. She walks around the house without a cane. Her body is not as sensitive any longer. The fear of her getting too cold and having to rush her to the ER, is no longer a concern. Praise GOD!
Everyday brings new challenges and surprises. But no matter what, I will always have Yolanda’s back! I would trade places with her any day so that can bare her pain.
Enjoy life and pay forward some kindness to someone in honor of Yolanda!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Celebrating 13 and Hair loss
This weekend was great with my family. We celebrated my youngest daughter's 13th birthday in Austin. We spent the night at the Westin Hotel which she absolutely loved and allowed the girls to order room service for breakfast. Saturday we visited The University of Texas and toured the campus; that was for my oldest daughter. We then visited the capitol. I don't think I had ever toured either one before. It was great for all of us. We rested back at the hotel and then went shopping. Forever 21.... Need I say more?
Sunday we drove to Texas A&M University and went to the Baylor and A&M ladies basketball game. It was great to see all the A&M traditions during the game; the girls really enjoyed it. We then took a campus tour. Shame to say, I don't think I've ever toured that campus either. We had a great weekend!!!!! Lastly, this momma couldn't finish celebrating 13 with her baby without a little cake and ice cream. Last night, we invited some of Jasmine's friends over for cake and ice cream and that topped off a long weekend. We now have 2 teenagers... Yikes!!!
As for me, yesterday was eventful but I was able to overshadow my issues with my daughter's birthday celebrations. Yesterday, I had my beautician to cut off the rest of my hair and shave my head. I'm bald!!! We went and tried on wigs, it was her day off. She was just awesome! As she shaved my head, I just closed my eyes and listen to the razor take "my crown". She encouraged me to open my eyes because my head was actually "cute". I have seen cute bald headed women, but I just couldn't picture myself that way and I was afraid to look. After I opened my eyes, it wasn't horrid, I wouldn't really say cute, but nonetheless I tried on big hoop earrings to check out my new look. My beautician stayed with me for awhile....I was OK.
I have listened to Robin Roberts say to women we are not our hair. And that is true!!! But, it is a very odd, strange and uncomfortable place to be when you haven't been there before. I know my hair will grow back and I'm told it will be a different texture and prettier when it comes back. I will show my baldness because I feel like it is something that I must do. Again this struggle is not just for me or about me...it's for you too. My strength is not in my hair; my strength comes from within, from the spirit of God.
However, later, I had to show hubby. I was not emotionally ready for him to see my bald head. He "worked with me" and I showed him. He's still here!!! God love and bless this man. This entire experience has shown me how much my husband truly loves me for ME. Even now, with my insecurities about my body and my looks, he still loves me for ME. I thank God that I do not have to go through this alone. I often tell him that I am glad God looks at our heart and not our physical body when we are called home to GLORY because He may not recognize me when I get to the pearly gates.
God love and bless you all!!!
Sunday we drove to Texas A&M University and went to the Baylor and A&M ladies basketball game. It was great to see all the A&M traditions during the game; the girls really enjoyed it. We then took a campus tour. Shame to say, I don't think I've ever toured that campus either. We had a great weekend!!!!! Lastly, this momma couldn't finish celebrating 13 with her baby without a little cake and ice cream. Last night, we invited some of Jasmine's friends over for cake and ice cream and that topped off a long weekend. We now have 2 teenagers... Yikes!!!
As for me, yesterday was eventful but I was able to overshadow my issues with my daughter's birthday celebrations. Yesterday, I had my beautician to cut off the rest of my hair and shave my head. I'm bald!!! We went and tried on wigs, it was her day off. She was just awesome! As she shaved my head, I just closed my eyes and listen to the razor take "my crown". She encouraged me to open my eyes because my head was actually "cute". I have seen cute bald headed women, but I just couldn't picture myself that way and I was afraid to look. After I opened my eyes, it wasn't horrid, I wouldn't really say cute, but nonetheless I tried on big hoop earrings to check out my new look. My beautician stayed with me for awhile....I was OK.
I have listened to Robin Roberts say to women we are not our hair. And that is true!!! But, it is a very odd, strange and uncomfortable place to be when you haven't been there before. I know my hair will grow back and I'm told it will be a different texture and prettier when it comes back. I will show my baldness because I feel like it is something that I must do. Again this struggle is not just for me or about me...it's for you too. My strength is not in my hair; my strength comes from within, from the spirit of God.
However, later, I had to show hubby. I was not emotionally ready for him to see my bald head. He "worked with me" and I showed him. He's still here!!! God love and bless this man. This entire experience has shown me how much my husband truly loves me for ME. Even now, with my insecurities about my body and my looks, he still loves me for ME. I thank God that I do not have to go through this alone. I often tell him that I am glad God looks at our heart and not our physical body when we are called home to GLORY because He may not recognize me when I get to the pearly gates.
God love and bless you all!!!
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