Thursday, December 30, 2010

Just being random

Well... 2010 is almost over. Can you think back on the good, exciting things and the challenges you've had this year? Can you think about the accomplishments you've made this year? Do you remember the people whom you've made a difference in their lives? Knowing that we all have sinned, but surely you have done some good this year, do you remember? I guess these questions have come to my mind because as you all know 2010 has been most eventful for me and I have been sharing it with you. But, more so, people have responded to me in such a way I never would or could have imagined. I think God wanted to show me that while I was searching my soul on how I could make a difference in somebody life, by happenstance I have been doing so along the way, but I hadn't realized it. As you make New Year's resolutions, don't focus on the obvious and the same ones you make each year, i.e. loose weight, stop smoking, start exercising, etc. That's old! How about we focus on our spiritual walk. That is are you exemplifying a Christ like behavior regardless of who, what, when, where, or why. I try each day, and often fall short, but I keep trying. Well I wont have New Year's resolution, I will still be focusing on what God would have me to do with my life given this challenge placed upon me.

This week has been a productive and positive week. Physical therapy is going well and they are really working me out. I was able to throw away the walker and bought a pretty purple/flowered cane. That's a "shout if you know how" moment. Wednesday was my last day of radiation. Now if you couldn't muster up a shout the first time, this is definitely it. Today I had a catheter placed so that I can begin my chemotherapy next Wednesday. While I am not excited about the chemotherapy, I am glad to be making progress which will facilitate my healing and my emotional well-being. The potential side effects of the chemotherapy are what have me a little hesitant, but we will pray ourselves through this situation as we have been doing for the last 6 months.

Lastly, as I have been reading and listening to scripture, one of the things that must happen for anyone to receive what God has for them is to forgive anyone that you feel may have done something wrong to you or perhaps someone you may have wronged (Matt 5:23-24). Plus, God instructs to forgive as He has forgiven us, and lastly who are you not to forgive when the Great Almighty can forgive you multiple times? I have been pondering in my mind if I hold any grudges toward anyone and honestly I can not think of anyone. However, if there is anyone I have disappointed, felt that I have done something wrong to them, or who is upset with me, please reach out to me so that I may hear your concerns. Let me forewarn, that I will apologize for making you have a negative feeling toward me, but there is no guarantee that I will apologize for a decision made. Going on this journey is very revolutionary and is making me look at every nook and cranny of my spiritual walk. You try it!

Living in Love
Yolanda

Friday, December 24, 2010

Keeping you up to date

Well I thought I would let you know how things are going with me and the medical plan.

I have started my physical therapy. I had two days last week, I'll have two days next week, and after that I will be going 3 days per week. I am so ready to throw this walker away. What I will be working on the most is gaining control and strength in the lower part of my legs (from knees on down), learning to hold my head up, and strengthening my core. My diaphragm is a little week which is why I have been short of breath when talking; but it is getting little better.

I had 10 sessions of radiation ordered and I now have 3 more to go (Monday - Wednesday of next week). It has not been too eventful but it has caused to have some difficulty swallowing because of the location of the radiation. Radiation is being done to my chest area to attack the cells that metastasized to my spine; it in turn effects the esophagus. That's just great! It's the holiday season and I am going to have difficulty swallowing!?! Psych! I'm gonna eat! It may hurt going down, but my taste buds and tummy will be happy!

I will go to the hospital on Thursday for day surgery to get a long term catheter put in for the chemotherapy. On January 5th, I will begin Chemotherapy (Carboplatin and Taxol). The nurse reviewed the side effects with me and oh boy! Everything and anything you can think of the medications have the possibility of causing. Needless to say, one of them is hair loss. Of all of the side effects, my vanity is getting in the way and wondering what I will do with no hair. I know, I know, I know....there are nice looking wigs or I can go bald...ugh, the thought of going bald is interesting, yet scary! Anyway, we'll get through and hopefully have fun doing it. There are many other side effects like peripheral neuropathy (loosing the feeling in your fingers), dehydration, achy bones, among other things.


Needless to say, your prayers are still needed. We are progressing through our treatment plan, but still have a ways to go. Chemotherapy will last about 6 months. Initially I will start out one a week for 3 weeks and then off for one week; eventually I will go to once a month or every other week. Physical therapy is open ended and I can go as long as I need.


In love...

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Thank you so much for asking...

Many people tell us to call them if there is something they can do for us or ask us to call them if we need something. Allow me to just say thank you for extending yourself to aide us. We will call and let you know if we need something. Honestly, we have been so overwhelmed by the generosity of our neighbors, church members (Good Hope Baptist Church), friends, family, Jack and Jill, and Frost Bank (Mike's job).

One day last week, as Mike and I sat together alone holding hands, we both became emotional in our own way just thinking of the generosity of everyone. I don't know if any of you will truly understand how the numerous acts of kindness, bringing dinners and snacks, helping with the children, and many of the responses on the blog, in our emails, and the expressions on voice mail have meant to us. You all have really jolted something in us. As we sat together we said, we haven't done anything great for anyone; we've just been ourselves. We both began to just review our lives and our relationships, and we just pondered and were perplexed on how we are continuing to blessed by so many. Even at Michael's job, it is truly amazing that a corporation could be so extremely supportive of him during this time.

This is what I do know. We try to make sure that our steps are divinely ordered. Whenever we have an issue, we wait. Wait on God to show or reveal to us what we should do. Our favorite saying is "It is what it is". We have resolved that God is in control of our lives as we have given ourselves to Him. If there is a situation we can do something about, we do it; otherwise we wait on God to provide the path we should follow. Mike is very good at reminding me to wait on God because patience is not a virtue I have, unfortunately. At the same time, we try to do right by anybody and everybody; but that's not anything more outstanding than many other people. And so we ponder on how and why people have been so generous towards us. We are truly amazed and in awe; at the same time WE THANK YOU WITH ALL OF OUR HEARTS".

We hope that through this trial, not only are we being blessed but you are being blessed as well. While this physical trial is more than I ever could have bargained for, I believe we were chosen to endure this trial not only for our benefit but for yours too. We are real and regular people, just like you. We are not famous and do not hold titles. We don't have anything named after us and don't come from an affluent blood line. We are just God's children trying to continue to hold up the blood stained banner, go through life wearing the armor of God, and just trying to do right by those we encounter.

Lastly, there are absolutely no words to express our gratitude; you have been amazing. Many people want to know what they can do; there is one thing that everyone can do. Please continue to pray for me and my family. This is not a sprint, this is a marathon. I ask, whether it is everyday or every week, or just one time, please call out out names unto the Lord that He may bless me with a healing, patience, and strength and bless my family with endurance and peace.

Love to you all...

Monday, December 20, 2010

Everyday Is A Challenge - But God!

First let me say that we are sorry for not updating the blog since last Wednesday but as you may image we have been busy with the kids (mid-terms, multiple athletic practices & games, etc...), Yolanda's treatment schedule, my work schedule (when and if I get a chance to go in depending on how Yo is feeling) and attempting to restore some level of normalcy to our daily lives, two out of three is not bad!  What a tremendous blessing it is to have my mom living with us.  I know that this family would not be able to function without her presence.  She has been a God sent and we are so eternally thankful to have her in Houston.

Since Yo has come home, we have all been learning to adjust to our current situation, but through it all we say PRAISE God because there were/are/is so many other alternatives.  I thank God daily for Yolanda and I continue to be amazed daily by her strength and determination.  Allow me to give you a glimpse of how we are REALLY doing:

Yolanda has started to feel those rods and screws in her back (from December 1st surgery) and it is extremely uncomfortable for her to rest.  Sleeping in the bed is a thing of the past (for both of us).  I refuse to leave her side, so where ever she sleeps so do I....restful sleep has no meaning any longer.

Throughout the day and night, we/I continuously have to adjust her pillows and her positioning to find that "right" spot in the chair so that she can maybe get a couple of hours rest.  But again, we say Thank You LORD for your tender mercies.  We take comfort in all of the small blessings along the way.  So, instead of complaining about the lack of sleep we enjoy our new found quite talking time.  There is a silver lining in everything, if you look hard enough! In a perfect world I am one of the hardest sleeper you will ever meet, just keeping it real.  Nothing could wake me from my dream, but God has blessed me with ultra sensitive hearing during this time.  If Yolanda so much as breaths too hard I hear her and instantly wake up to see what I need to do to assist her in any way.  Now, I do have to take a much needed to sleep break at least once a week to recharge my batteries which I typically do at some point on Sunday's after church (and my COWBOYS) :~}.

Yolanda has not yet regained complete strength to her lower body.  Her quad muscles are so weak that she is still using a walker to get from point "A" to point "B", but again we say PRAISE God.  We thank God for not taking the use of her legs away from her. We remain confident that physical therapy will help and she is going tomorrow morning for her second treatment.

As of today, she has had four radiation treatments to her spine.  PAIN management remains the biggest issue.  Just so you all know - there are good moments, not good days! Everyday she is battling pain in her back.  Today for example, was good early in terms of managing pain until around four o'clock.  While sitting, Yolanda started to experience a "new and different" pain in her spine and it continued to intensify as the minutes and hours inched by.  After multiple doses of Morphine she was finally able to find relief around 7pm.  I think Forest Gump said it best, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are gonna get."

Yolanda also has to wear an abdominal band to support her diaphragm because her core is not as strong as it was before her last hospital stay.  By the way, in case you didn't know, this is the primary reason why she has difficulty talking on the phone of entertaining guest for any length of time.  Feel free to send her all the text messages you like, generally speaking she will respond quickly unless she is not feeling well.  Trust me when I tell you she is not avoiding your calls.  Yolanda simply does not have the strength, energy or voice to carry on several conversations during any given day.
In closing, I will leave you with this thought:  Live life like there is no tomorrow.  Enjoy ever moment with your loved ones.  Don't pass up a chance to love and above all put and keep God at the center of your life!

Good night and may God Bless you all!! 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The latest

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I am going home today. I made a pact with the physician to be here early. I have been in the hospital since Saturday which is, in part, why we haven't been able to communicate as regularly as we had in the beginning.

I had gone to the ER on Friday initially due to shortness of breath and I didn't want to take a chance going into the weekend with difficulties. They performed x-rays, drew labs, etc. They sent me home with go litely and said have fun. Well, I followed instructions, but by noon on Saturday I was in the worst state of pain in my life. I have birthed and recovered from children and I have had other operations, etc....but this was by far the worst pain ever. We called 911 and away we went. Encountered more tests to reveal that, preliminarily, I was diagnosed with an obstructed bowel.
My thoughts were the cancer had spread to my intestines or the back surgery had damaged the nerves traveling to my stomach. The final diagnosis was a narcotic induced ileus. With all the pain I have been in, the pain meds had slowed my stomach movement down so much that I was unable to digest. This is a Hallelujah moment!!! Why? Think of the alternative.

On yesterday 12/14, I had a colonoscopy (UGH!!! - Somebody should have warned me) which
STOP --HERE IS WHERE YOU STOP SO YOU CAN GET YOUR PRAISE ON
my colon was clear and healthy....HALLELUJAH!!!!

And so......
my staples have been removed from my back surgery and the incision site looks good ---- PRAISE GOD
colonoscopy clear ----PRAISE GOD
I will start radiation today (I will have 10 treatments) ---- Give HIM the PRAISE
I will receive my first infusion of ZOMETA (drug to strengthen my bones) ----PRAISE GOD
I will be free to start my physical therapy (today or tomorrow) ---- PRAISE GOD
AND...I'm going home to be with my family who I miss immensely.

I'm giving God the praise for each step of the way. No matter how big or small, you have to praise Him along the way. If you just sit up and wait for the ultimate "blessing" then you miss out on opportunities and lessons He has for you. When you don't praise ALONG the way, its the same as saying to God "That's good God but I'm still waiting on..." So if you not gonna praise Him along the way, the blessing that he is preparing for you, which by the way you are not ENTITLED to, may never become a reality.

Today is a good day and I am very positive; it's a beautiful day, I am encouraged and excited to facilitate the healing.

Love.....

Monday, December 13, 2010

Taken for granted

Often times we take for granted things that we have or things that we can do because quite obviously it has become the routine. For instance, you expect that when you get up in the morning your car will run. Or, even better, because you had food in your cupboard last night, means that your breakfast oatmeal will be available to you this morning. We take for granted our expectations, however in reality, our expectations are our customization to the usual. Because they have become so much of the norm, we can hardly recognize them as a blessing.

You've heard some rendition of a saying that you don't know how good you got it until its gone. While this is not an earth shattering statement, it bares mentioning again. We often don't realize that we are the daily benefactors of a multitude of "expectations" that are truly blessings. Wow...this may sound heavy but here is where I'm coming from. The fact that YOU have the use of your legs to get you out of bed, your dominant hand to brush your teeth, and running water, makes you wonderfully and highly blessed. Here's a wonderful experiment for you: Just take 3 things, any 3 things that you "need" on a daily basis (be very specific) and try to be without those for 1 day...just one day. Be sure to perform all of your regular duties with the same deficiencies.

I am so grateful that I have the returned use of my legs. And just to show you how each minutia of your day is a blessing (and our blessings are too numerous to be counted) ... I can have the full activity and sensation of my limbs, but what if i had no or minimal balance, which is in part my issue today. Well, yes I will have mobility, but it would not be the ultimate level of function I "wanted". I think you will find that there are so many things we take for granted because they are usual and customary. It is so amazing to think of God in His infinite wisdom to the best our brains can conceive to realize that his blessings are so involved and intricate.

When I think of the times we had to make grand rounds to review our stroke patients, a team would consist of a neurologist, neurosurgeon, dietitian, pulmonary rehab therapist, rehab MD, speech therapist, case manager and the nurse. God only needed himself to orchestrate the physical capabilities of his subject which would include balance, strengthening, conditioning, occupational capabilities, etc.

Ultimately, I am attempting to convey that we really need to begin to look at every aspect of our life that the limitations of our mind will allow. Understand that God has blessed us with so many things that we truly take for granted. We need to STOP and reflect on what we can and realize what they are. When we are able to do that, we begin to see our lives, people, and situations in a very different perspective. One which is more spiritual rather than materialistic or as an expectation.

Hope this helps somebody......

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Update

I will start with the good news, Yolanda is doing fine and resting in the hospital. Now let me catch you all up.

Yolanda has been experiencing severe abdomanal pain over the past week or so. On Friday evening her breathing was constricted and a family friend brought her to the ER. After they gave her something for the pain and took some e-rays, we were released around 1am. We woke up to a true miracle Saturday.....Yolanda was able to WALK WITHOUT ASSISTANCE since in over a month. What a blessing!!

We were on our way to having a great day, but we hit another stumbling block. Yolanda's stomach pain return with no sign of releif in sight. We came back to the ER and they admitted her to relieve the pain. As I said at the outset, Yolanda is resting and feeling better at this point. As always your continued and prayers and positive comments are most welcomed and appreciated.