The battle is not over

We still must fight and pray to win this race. I thank God most of all for knowing Him as my supreme father and He knowing me as his daughter. I thank Him as well for having not only all of you praying for me but also those who have your friends, church & family members and ...etc (people who don't even know me personally) praying for me. I believe that the prayers of the believers will prevail. In all of your prayers I know that we are praying for a miracle and my complete recovery and that would be for my physical body, but I ask that you also pray for a healing of my spiritual body, faith and confidence.  I would also ask that you pray for God's will to be manifested through this trial.  I know that this is only a test and to God be all the glory and honor, but I must admit I am somewhat concerned!

The last two days have been extremely difficult. Monday I woke up with tingling sensation down the entire right side of my body. By midday I needed assistance to walk. Later that afternoon, the pain in my body became excruciating and the weakness had also increased. My oncologist began to order more at home narcotics and anti flammatory drugs. Nothing was working. I even had my mother touching, rubbing me. She talked to me coaching me through extreme pain spasms and it was not working. Finally, I was admitted to the hospital through the ER and was started on a heavier intravenous narcotics. This was one of those times anybody would vote "Yes" on the California bill legalizing medicinal marijuana (smile).

The plan for Tuesday was for me to get an MRI and CT mapping to outline the shape of the tumor for radiation (which was to begin on Wednesday). After the MRI the doctors discovered that the tumor was actually growing at a relatively fast rate and was larger then what it was almost two weeks ago when Dr. Kim went in for the biopsy. It is now pressing significantly on my spinal cord which is causing the numbness. The mapping for tumor was canceled and my cancer team thought it more urgent to remove as much of the visible tumor as possible instead of radiation as the first option.  Therefore, I will be going into surgery first thing Wednesday. For now, tentatively radiation will follow the surgery in approximately two weeks. This of course is not the direction we thought we were headed but I will play the hand that I was dealt.

I will be candid with you all, while I am still strong and faithful in God I am human and truly perplexed by this whole ordeal.  I continue to say to myself that God will not place more on me than I can handle; I will continue to stand strong on his word; I continue to rely on his holy scriptures, like Mathew 6:25-34 - that tells me not worry;  I continue to believe God will supply all of my needs; I continue to believe that his WILL will serve a greater purpose than my will - but sometimes its hard to understand not just the "why" but it is even more difficult to grasp the "how" (you are going to make it through)."  The toll that this one ordeal has on me also effects my family, friends and others that are close to me.  This news today was like a bump in the road and so for awhile today I was weakened.  Please pray for my strength and continued courage to fight the good fight.  I read Galatians 5:22-23 several times today.  I understand why it is call the "Fruit of the Spirit" and not the "Fruits of the Spirit" - I need all of the Fruit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) to make it through this journey.  The Fruit is all inclusive and is visible evidence of living a true Christian life. 

Thank you so very much to all of you for praying for me and my family.  I need you all to know that I say a special prayer every day.  I ask God to bless each of you and that you receive God's fullest blessings upon your life.  Thank everyone for joining me in this battle.  As my pastor (Rev. D.Z. Cofield) says "if you see a good fight you ought to get in it".  I would not be able to make this journey alone.  With the help, support and encouragement of my husband, family, christian family and prayer warriors like you guys I am confident that I will be able to keep my head up and endure the trials alone this journey.

Pray my strength in the Lord and may God continue to bless you all!