I'm coming around

Well, as most of you have read, my protector and my guard has limited my visitation with only the greatest concern for my well being taken into consideration. This was a mutual decision, because if you know me, I will tend to over do it and then I will set myself back. Therefore, I am still very limited to texting and email.  Most of my commucnication will come via the blog.

I can not and will not ever be able to find the words to explain my appreciation and my gratitude to each of you for your words of affection, encouragement, and outpouring of love that has been demonstrated toward me and our family. All I can say is that I hope and pray I can be there for you in your time of need as you have been there for us.

As I stated before, the expressions of love and someone actually praying for you speaks more in volume than someone just saying they love you or "I will pray for you." You have done just that! I am honestly in awe of all of you.

I told one of our associate ministers, as a revelation to me, as I looked out amongst a group of my church members, I said to him "You know, this cancer is not about me at all. This is bigger than me; this is for someone else." At the time, these were the words that graced my mind but I could not at the time tell you exactly what that meant. When I gave a testimony at church the last Sunday in October, I then again could not articulate why this was happening to me, what was to come out of this and know who was to benefit.

Today, I can share that this journey was meant for you and for me. I am learning so much about myself as it relates to my strength, my belief and my Christian walk. I am learning more about love and prayer, as well. I am learning and growing in my marriage and my relationships. Many of you have shared through this blog, emails and text messages how this physical event in my life has/is impacting your spiritiual life. I think we have come to a crossroad together that is not about any one individual but it forces us to rely on the ONE AND ONLY HOLY GOD to supply our rescue and need.

My pastor preached a sermon one Sunday, and one of the questions was, "Why me" and better yet, the question we should be asking is "Why not me." I honestly consider myself privileged to be chosen by God to be an instrument He found worthy enough to use for his people. What has been most intriguing to me as of late is this; prior to going to surgery, without provocation, my surgeon said to us "Listen, I am a believer. I am just an instrument." Then the first nurse in the recovery room that I was able to clearly commuicate with expressed her Christianity to me and as she left for her shift, she said to me "I pray for a healing for you and I feel great vibes for your life." Throughout the stay so far, people have just poured their blessings upon me by wishing me well, etc. And so now, I do not ask "Why me", I say "thank you God for choosing me and I hope that I am serving you well for the extent of this journey."

We are still on the journey unknowledgeable of what the end will bring. I will tell you that we have scary moments thinking of the worst, we have funny moments just laughing at ourselves as we often do, and we have just moments thinking of what we still have left to do.

What's next: Well the plan is that in about 10-12 days post surgery we will start radiation therpy on my spine for about 5-12 days.  Afterward we will begin chemotherapy. I still don't know how long or the frequency of the chemothaerapy, but we suspect that it will not exceed 6 months.

Loving and Praying for you all...

Yolanda